you know there's a difference;
some people actually care about you.
i hate feeling inadequate for the thousandth time in the day, not being good at anything, feeling so... useless.
i hate it when my sister and i argue, and she accuses me of being "perfect" when deep down inside i know this is totally the opposite, that she will turn out way better than she knows. she has everything - brains, looks, leadership, humour, confidence, friends, talent. i envy her, because she's found her own place, because she'll become someone i want to be.
i hate it that everything is falling apart, going wrong right now but nothing i do seems to be able to fix anything.
i hate being stuck in this maze, with no way out. what's the point of stupid, typical things like self-injury or commiting suicide or wtv if they don't even make a difference? not that i'll do something like that, duh.
i hate having too much time to think; because i just end up doubting myself for the thousandth time, not knowing if anything i do is right.
i hate it when i think too much, about things that don't really matter because who would actually bother?
i hate being so boring and awkward, not knowing what to do every minute of the day. thats why i like being alone, because no one can judge you and i can do whatever i feel like without second-guessing all the time.
i hate the way i turned out. i used to be someone that was high and hyper, not exactly very nice but interesting at least. now i'm just some really boring person in a corner, invisible most of the time unless you need a favour from me.
i hate knowing that this will probably be the way my life will be, i just have to get used to it.
i hate myself for being me.
May 10, 2009